whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
