he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
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Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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