Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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