You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
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How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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