gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
