i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
