I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
