i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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