Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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