I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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