On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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