I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
