pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
