Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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