Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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