I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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