Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
