i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
