Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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