i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
