I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
