operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
