i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
that may or may not have been my penis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
