two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
