If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
