I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
