i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
