I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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