I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
