My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
