What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
