I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
