omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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