Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
