we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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