yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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