every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
