I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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