I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just threw up on my dentist
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
