you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
