he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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