Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
