and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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