So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
