you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
