lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
