He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
