2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
