im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
