I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
