I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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