i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
