Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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