i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
