He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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