I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
