Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
