He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
