Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
