Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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