We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
