I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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