If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
