i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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