i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude