Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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