Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
where are you?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.