Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.

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  (443): Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry. http://tfl.nu/7406
  Replies (19) Good night (809) Bad night (3185)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?

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  (617): why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency? http://tfl.nu/lb38
  Replies (35) Good night (3311) Bad night (629)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"

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  (202): you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!" http://tfl.nu/xr8i
  Replies (46) Good night (5520) Bad night (571)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window

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  (518): You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window http://tfl.nu/qxzy
  Replies (14) Good night (3328) Bad night (561)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Why?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never

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  (314): It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot (502): Why? (314): Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never http://tfl.nu/z3v0
  Replies (102) Good night (4453) Bad night (994)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A

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  (814): I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A http://tfl.nu/j0fk
  Replies (25) Good night (6457) Bad night (574)
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  (562): View more from California

  he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him

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  (562): he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him http://tfl.nu/6w3v
  Replies (8) Good night (3105) Bad night (864)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first

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  (902): Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first http://tfl.nu/v8bw
  Replies (11) Good night (4629) Bad night (1086)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

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  (207): I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs. http://tfl.nu/5epb
  Replies (10) Good night (3942) Bad night (1688)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.

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  (432): Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know. http://tfl.nu/dusl
  Replies (5) Good night (1334) Bad night (2830)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.

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  (732): his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening. http://tfl.nu/ib1o
  Replies (10) Good night (3097) Bad night (1667)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.

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  (860): Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried. http://tfl.nu/p6ag
  Replies (13) Good night (2539) Bad night (4532)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough

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  (+44): He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough http://tfl.nu/6ovf
  Replies (5) Good night (463) Bad night (479)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night

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  (303): I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night http://tfl.nu/koj1
  Replies (5) Good night (432) Bad night (288)
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  (805): View more from California

  Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.

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  (805): Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch. http://tfl.nu/6qlc
  Replies (6) Good night (660) Bad night (236)

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