Everything about him screamed your future.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.