Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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