i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...