you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
