I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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